Public School vs Homeschool

Unfortunately, I have noticed in the last couple of years, that homeschooling is as hot-button a topic as any other parenting decision. When I was pregnant, the raging debate was natural, unmedicated birth vs medicated birth vs c-section. Now, all these years later, does it matter? No, because we move on. The next debate is breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. Then attachment parenting vs traditional parenting. Cloth diapering vs disposable. Co-sleeping vs cribs. Homemade baby food vs store bought. Natural foods vs processed. Organic vs not-organic. Vaccines vs not. The list goes on and on and on and one would think that by the time our children reach preschool, kindergarten, grade school, middle school or high school, we would learn that every family is individual and makes the decision that is best for the family, right?! It appears, not so much. The hostilities on both sides of the "Public School vs Homeschool" debate are huge!

There are so many educational choices for parents today, that we should be grateful for the diversity of decisions parents can make to educate our children. You can choose public school, private school, charter schools, virtual academies, public online academy, coops, immersion, homeschool, unschooling........ {taking a breath} It is no longer "just" public school vs homeschool. It's so much bigger than that and we should be excited as parents by all the options that are available to teach our children! Choosing one way over another does not mean we love our children less, same as choosing to bottlefeed instead of breastfeeding means we don't love them. Or eat organic. Or not eat organic. Or cloth diaper. Or disposable diaper. Nor does it makes us a better parent, choosing one option over another.

I have noticed one difference in the schooling debate that, I believe, may very well be unique to schooling verses any other parenting decision. It seems that in almost all other debates, the moms are the ones who are the most emotionally-charged and can be the hardest on each other. That is not true with schooling. Moms are passionate, but so are dads. Dads can be as passionate and emotionally-charged about the education of their children as moms.

Our family went about homeschooling very gradually. I had toyed with homeschooling Austin from the time he was in 3rd grade, but was never confident enough to do it. I didn't do a lot of research on it, because it was just a thought and something I knew I couldn't really do. More of a pipe-dream really. By the time Aidan was in preschool, I knew I didn't want him to go to public school when he got to kindergarten, but still was a little uncertain if I could seriously educate him and how it may harm him socially (ha!). I prayed about it and had found plenty of scripture to back it up (will get to that in a moment), but my husband was not on board. Because I strive to be submissive, which for us is actually that we both agree on decisions, and that Steve has the "ultimate" decision, I was willing to wait on him. My prayer had to become that God would work on Steve's heart and move him towards that decision. That decision came when Austin was a freshman. By that time, we knew we would homeschool the others, but that we would wait until Austin graduated, so I could fully focus on his education. God moved quickly by the time Aidan was in 2nd grade and, by December, we knew we would be homeschooling all of our children the next year.

For us, it was never a decision we made lightly, and it was something we searched scripture and bathed in prayer. If it was only our will and not the Lord's, we would fail miserably. One scripture that was very important to us, and I am sure is important to many homeschooling families (but is definitely not exclusive to homeschooling, as it was important long before we did homeschool), is Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it."  Another important scripture about seeking the Lord that came to us was from Poverbs 3:6 "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Another important verse for us was Acts 5:29 "But Peter and the apostles answered, we must obey God rather than man."

In these verses, we found comfort knowing that we would be training our children the way that we saw the Lord guiding us to do so and in a way that was appropriate for our family. But to do that, we first had to submit to God to make that clear to us and have our hearts open to whatever He directed us to do, and, if that included homeschooling, it would be counter-cultural and we would be obeying God and not just "going with the flow" of public schooling. Which would be difficult in some aspects, but God does not ask you to do something that He has not equipped you for (Hebrews 13:21 "[He will] equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen."). He is always there to guide us, if only we seek Him.

There are many other verses about educating your child. How you discern it for you and your family is how the Lord reveals it to you. For us, each of the following verses directs us to educate our children at home ourselves.

Deuteronomy

11:19 - "You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

4:9 - "Only take care and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children..."

6:5-7 - "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your  might. And these words that I command to you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit down in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

Isaiah 28:8-11 "To whom will he teach knowledge, and to whom will he explain the message? Those who are weaned from milk and those taken from the breast? For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little."

Psalm 78: 5-7 "He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments."

2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."

Colossians 2:8 "See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to elemental spirits of the world, and not of Christ."

Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

God showed us that each of these verses was, for us, about teaching our children at home, where we are able to choose the curriculum we desire to teach our children, and rely on Him. But not a single one of those verses says anything about only homeschooling. All of these same verses may be taken differently by others and speak to how they are to raise their children generally and not specifically to the education of their children. To us, it speaks to how we are to raise our family in general, which includes their education. Each of us has to rely on God to discern His will for their own family. God has made each individual person unique and each family unique with unique purposes in life.

Finally, a few verses for all of us. We all are created by God and it must break His heart to see such division among His followers. We need to remember Who we serve and why.

Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it heartily, as for the Lord and not for men."  God wants us to do whatever we do - stay at home mom, homeschooling mom, work at home mom, working mom, divorced, single, married, everyone - to do it for Him, and not anyone else. If we do that, we are doing exactly what we are designed to do. Serve God in everything that we do, all the time.

2 John 1:9 "Everyone who goes on ahead and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God. Whoever abides in the teaching has both the Father and the Son."  We are all to abide in Christ and the teaching of scripture - homeschool, public school, private school, coop, unschool, charter school.....

I am closing with 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 because I feel like sometimes we forget that we are all created by God for His purpose ultimately and we all must have love for each other. If we do not have love, how can we possibly love anyone else? How can we at all realize that we are not all cookie-cut people who are exactly the same and expect everyone to only do what we do and if they do not, they are wrong or don't love their children? When we love as Christ first loved us, we are able to see each other for who they are in Christ and not judge each other so harshly. Every single parent makes decisions constantly for their children that are based on what is best for their children. We all need to learn to respect each other and not think that one choice is "better" than another. Because it's not. Every decision made by parents for their children guided by the Lord, is the right decision for their family. Parenting is hard. Let's all come together and not divide ourselves so much, in every aspect of parenting. The Lord has given us fellow believers to have for fellowship here on earth...let's not lose that and divide it further!

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a;13
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant, or rude. It does not insist on it's own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at the wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. ... So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

On My Soapbox: Larger Families

I read an article that was posted on February 8, NY Times article "And Baby Makes How Many?" I am just getting to it, but I have the benefit that all comments are now closed, so I was able to print them all out. I was going to wait to blog about this until I had read through all the comments, but 1/3 of the way through, I get the gist of what they all say and am too disgusted to wait any longer.

Since having the triplets, we have gotten a LOT of comments about having a lot of kids. Because we have the extra freak show of having triplets along with the fact that we have six (gasp!) children total, people are sometimes too in awe to be too rude.

I am blessed to live in an area where larger families are not uncommon. I have a friend who has seven - she had her sixth and seventh a few months before we had the triplets. I know another mom who has six boys. I know many, many women with three or more children. It's actually pretty common in this area. Thankfully. Because I do not hear the comments that I read this afternoon.

I am appalled that people honestly think that because we are a larger family, we are a "drain" on social welfare programs and the environment. One person actually had the gall to say that "unless you lived on a farm, have "Oprah money" or have a former nun as a governess, then you have no right" to have more than two children because you can't possibly afford them. What?!?! These people consider themselves educated, but they know nothing about the financial state of most larger families. Unfortunately, Nadya Suleman has done a lot to perpetuate those beliefs (and I am not going to get into her - that woman needs a whole lot of prayers and that's all I'll say on the subject) and nothing to help people see that families who choose to have more than two children are normal, hard working people.

Steve and I both were floored that the Speaker of the House (Nancy Pelosi - a mother of five) made the comment that we should have condoms in the stimulus package to "help reduce government spending." Know what that means??? Population control for "poorer" families...they shouldn't be blessed with children because they can't afford them.

Here's a few interesting facts about our family to debunk some of the myths.

As for the environmental impact:

We recycle everything we possibly can - and have since long before it became the "popular"thing to do or we had this many children. I was a member of S.A.V.E. in high school and feel very passionate about doing my part to reduce our carbon footprint.

We cloth diaper Hannah full time and cloth diaper the triplets part time and are working on building up enough stock to do it full time. I am concerned about the amount of diapers I have put into landfills and am working at reducing it greatly. Aidan was the only child of mine that was not cloth diapered at all...and I am ashamed to admit that.

We compost all scraps that are compostable - and use our compost in our garden. My kids love helping with it.

We garage sale and use hand me downs for our children. Not because we can't afford to clothe them in new clothing - we can. I feel passionately that we live in a highly wasteful society and my garage sale bargains are proof of it. I find almost new (and sometimes new) clothing at sales all the time. By using hand me downs until they are at the point that noone can use them anymore, I am reducing the amount that gets thrown away. Oh, and when they aren't wearable anymore? They make excellent rags for cleaning.

I use natural cleaning products (Simple Green, Green Works, and homemade with vinegar, baking soda, etc) whenever possible - including in my laundry. I also have learned to dilute many cleaners - they are just as effective, less harsh, last longer, and have a less toxic effect on the earth.

Yes, we drive Bertha and she is huge and a gas hog. However, she sits in the driveway if we are not full. We do not go about with Bertha without having a full load because that's just silly and wasteful. Many people choose to drive SUV's with only one or two children - or none at all. (Case in point, we bought Bertha from a family with two children.)

My children share bedrooms (another gasp!). This means we do not live in a huge house with unused rooms - we use every square inch of our home.

As for our finances:

We are not on any type of assistance. We do not receive welfare, we do not receive food stamps, we do not receive WIC, we do not receive housing assistance (we own our home), we do not receive any state health insurance (we have our own health insurance that we pay), we do not receive free/reduced lunches. Not only do we not receive any of this, we do not qualify. That would mean, for those unable to infer, that we can afford the six children we have. We also do not have any debt, minus our home. We have no credit card debt, no furniture debt, no vehicle debt - nothing except our mortgage.

Our children get to participate in other activities just like children with one or two children. Aidan is in baseball this year, Austin has gone to camp multiple times through our church and Boy Scouts, Austin went to Acquire the Fire, they do not miss out on opportunities just because we have six children. If something comes up that they really want to do, we do everything possible to make sure they can do it.

As for our time constraints:

My children are well loved. Many commenters felt that families with more than two children never got one on one time. We are in a unique situation (triplets) and I can still say my children get one on one time. I take one to the store with me. I make dates with my children for different things. I take one to a movie. I take one to the library. I read one a book. And beyond that, I spend a lot of time with my children as a family, also. I read to them, I tuck them in at naptime and bedtime, I pray with them (also whenever they are stressed or need extra prayers - I set aside time to do that), I get down on the floor and play with them, we eat all meals as at least a partial family, we nightly have supper together as a whole family, we play games, we go on walks, the list goes on and on...my husband and I spend more time with our children than most families with one child do. We take vacations together, we go places - I do not sit at home and quarantine my children 24/7.

My children know they are loved and know they are taken care of.

Education:

I am not uneducated, as many people believe to be the case in larger families. I am not "stupid" or ignorant. I am of slightly above average intelligence. I am a homemaker and I am very proud of that fact. My husband is a professional with a great job in a field he loves and has a college education. He is brilliant and by no means could ever be mistaken as "ignorant."

I believe that people today are very selfish and have been conditioned to think that if you do not have the newest, biggest, best whatever, then you just do not matter. I pray my children never have views like that on life. It's an empty existence, that's for sure.

To close, I am quoting on the of the comments from the article because I completely agree:

"Societal norms of today have lost the family friendly foundation that built our great nation. Our kids are suffering and our society has lost it's way because of it." (made by a mother of one)

Randomness

So much to catch up on it seems in only a couple of days!

On Tuesday night, Ethan was screaming in his room, so I finally went up and got him out. For the first two hours, I had no idea what had happened and he was happy as a lark sitting next to me on the couch resting. Then, I went to get water in the kitchen and a few minutes later, he followed. That's when I noticed he was limping. I had carried him downstairs and put him on the couch, so I didn't notice it sooner. I put him down and made him walk to me to see how he was limping. He was using the side of his foot. Upon closer inspection, his foot was slightly swollen but I couldn't immediately tell where the pain was coming from. As I was getting my coat on to head to the ER...again...Steve noticed it was his toe. We finally decided that we would just wait and see what the morning brought. I took him to bed with us until 2 am and he wouldn't sleep, so he went back to his own bed. By yesterday, he was still limping, but the swelling was gone. He did something to the top of his toe, but we have no idea what. It is purple under the toenail and he is still favoring it, but really doctors do nothing for toes, so we're just going to wait it out. The swelling is completely gone, too.

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Ethan, Nathanial, and Noah had the speech pathologist and early childhood specialist come to the house yesterday to finish up the evaluation. The boys did really well, especially considering it was another marathon session, with the ladies here for about two hours. When we were talking about it afterwards, it seems to me that they are probably going to qualify for services. I really pray they do because I just want them to communicate with me more. The more questions they asked the more convinced I became that Nathanial is probably just fine and not on the spectrum anywhere. As we were dissecting his behavior, he seems to be pretty much up to par with the other two, just a little more introverted. They set up a time to come back with recommendations on February 27 (she said it will take a while to figure everything out), so I guess we'll know more then!

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I am soooo frustrated!! We are trying to make reservations for a hotel - for one measly night - for this summer. I have called (because you certainly can't book online) eight different hotels. ONE has rooms to fit eight people - and they want your life savings for it. The rest refuse to guarantee that we could even get adjoining rooms. You can put in a "special request," but they can't promise it will be there when you check in. Seriously??? What a crock! I am so peeved and so exhausted. Maybe it would help if it wasn't such a large city, but really. Will we never be able to take our family on vacation again or are we doomed to campgrounds and never another hotel? BTW, I refuse to tent it...not gonna do it. And do they care that four of the six children are two and under? Nope.

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I called today and Aidan is signed up for kindergarten. I nearly cried when I hung up the phone. Even the school secretary couldn't believe Aidan was old enough to be going next year. Not only is he old enough, he will be one of the older kids in his class. I am so sad...I can't imagine going through this another four times! Aidan and I have Kindergarten Round Up on March 6. At least he is super excited...he can't wait. It seems like this milestone is going to come up very quickly on me.

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The "little boys" turn two next week - TWO!! I'm trying to stop referring to them as "the babies" and the "little boys" seems to work. Now we have the "little boys" and the "big boys." I am going to work on posts for each of them next week, so watch for those!